So I finally did it. The totally weird thing I've been wanting to do for months now.
I asked another mom if they had guns in the house before agreeing to a playdate.
I know this is a weird thing to do because no one has ever asked me if we have guns in our house.
But I wanted to know, making this item #7,792 of things I worry about that my husband doesn't. I want to know so much about the homes my children are being invited to. Especially when I am working and our sitter is there for spontaneous playground-hatched plans. But where you you draw the line? Nice to meet you! A playdate? Yes, that would be lovely. Do you have any pets? Teenagers? Creepy step-uncles staying for a few weeks? Prescription drugs lying around? You can't ask all these things.
But I decided you can ask some.
In the rural part of the US where my parents live, it is safe to assume that most of the homes on the street have a rack of rifles in their basements or garages. And one hopes that in hunting homes, the family has clear, hard rules about gun safety, and respect for guns is instilled from the youngest age. But in our preppy little town you can assume - well, that's just it. You can't assume anything. When I was mulling this issue with a friend's nanny I said, "You just don't know who has a gun in their house". Without missing a beat she responded, "Well, we do."
It's a strange new world for me, the social dynamics of meeting new parents, new classmates, new playmates. Our first playdate this year kind of threw me - it happened so fast, I hadn't asked questions, and there were some surprises at pick up time. Nothing major, but I realized I had been too cavalier about letting my son walk off the playground with a parent I didn't know. And when a father, who seems like the nicest dad ever, asked if my daughter could come over to their house after school, I was shocked by the feeling of dread, and then shame that followed, for feeling not ready to send her off with a dad instead of a mom.
How do you navigate school relationships? What kind of rules do you follow for playdates? And how do you talk about them with other parents?