Relapsing vs. Relaxing Resolutions

It seems this New Year's I have accomplished one of my most important resolutions without even noticing it.

That illusive goal to Lighten Up.

Because more often than not, 'chilling out' seems to get lost at the end of the year when we look backwards and forwards and think about all the coulda, shoulda, wouldas, and lament the fact that so many of the things we aimed to accomplish in the past year go straight back on the list again.

And then to contradict all of that, always on my list, is to let go a little more, and sweat the bullshit less.

This year, I didn't engage in any of that. I think I forgot to.

Perhaps all that Who Cares! is finally sinking in.  Maybe I am just getting old and complacent.  Or is it possible that I am also, at long last, on my good days, finding the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (gasp!), the courage to change the things I can (shudder!), and the (really?) wisdom to know the damn difference.

I've discussed accepting the things you cannot change - but what of that courage?

I only realized my lack of resolutions when I saw this post from New Jersey CASA: "Working on that New Year's Resolution - why not give your time to a child this year and become a CASA Volunteer [?]"  Because for years I had wanted to become a CASA advocate but was afraid to do so - mainly fearing that I wouldn't have enough time.  It is just the kind of post that would have simultaneously crushed and motivated an earlier me. This year it has been six years since I took my training, and 4 years since I took my case, and two years since joining as a trustee of the Essex County organization.  I am deeply engaged in my work with CASA and this post reminded me again of how much fulfilment it brings.

So even though I have an acre-long to do list, a house in disarray, am drinking a glass of wine for no reason on a Wednesday night and just booked my son's birthday party two full weeks after the fact - I am using the time that I do have on things that are most important to me.   And I am squandering the little time that I do have messing around on the internet and blogging rubbish into the worldwide inter-web-o-sphere when I should be focussed and accomplishing more.  But you know what? I am otherwise at peace with my priorities.

So it turns out for me that the way to get rid of resolutions is to tackle the biggest ones and let the rest go.  I quit my job, in a terrible economy, to take a break and find one I could enjoy more.  I started a blog.  I volunteer my time on the things I care most about.  So pesky things like checking my phone too often, piles of clutter, a few extra pounds or being occasionally judgemental don't seem all that important afterall.

What recurring resolution keeps coming back at you?  What's really holding you back?

Who Cares?

All summer I've been road testing this new motto and it has done wonders for me. It efficiently dispenses with all manner of BS. The pediatrician can't vaccinate today because the appointment falls two days before a birthday? Who cares! You want beige walls but your husband wants beigy-grey? Who cares! You drove all the way to a mall that is closed on Sunday? Who cares! See?

But yesterday, the motto was stress-tested in the dressing room of Nordstrom by the four pounds that tacked themselves onto the five I already wanted to lose while I was running around having my aforementioned fun, carefree summer. I am sorry to say that my new attitude experienced a catastrophic system-wide failure in front of a three-way mirror.

It occurs to me that I have stumbled onto a new lesson - that career breaks, as precious as they are, are not only risky because of the career consequences, lost income, or the emotions of the whole family when you go back to work, but also because being happy can make you fat. Who knew!

So to borrow a phrase from Cindy Gallop, I am declaring my own Fatmageddon.

But there won't be a word about it mentioned in my house, because I have a daughter who, at 4, already cares too much about how she looks. When she looks in a mirror, I want her to aim higher than "who cares?" even if I can't always.